Since it’s still Valentine’s Day (and it’s been a month since I posted an entry on this Blog), I looked for something relevant to the theme of the day: LOVE.
And look what I found?!
Nowadays, I hardly have the luxury of time to write out and type my talks or speeches. They are mostly outlined through a MindMap.
Or they are simply memorized or delivered “extemporaneously” because I’ve basically mastered the material (same slides or outline, with some tweaks) already.
But, I’m glad that I wrote this talk down. It downright reflects the spirit of LOVE that I’d like to share with you all today. (Disclosure: this is a speech, so therefore, it is not Blog post entry length. Estimated time to read this is 15-20+ minutes. Enjoy!)
So, without further ado do do, a da da da, here we go!
Ang Pag-ibig na Hindi Bitin
A LOVE THAT NEVER ENDS – An extraordinary personal journey
A talk delivered in Manila, April 17, 2014 for the Marriage Encounter Foundation of the Philippines
Thank you, thank you!
Salamat ! Thank you to the Marriage Encounter Foundation of the Philippines for inviting me to speak.
Let me start by sharing a story with you.
One day sa Heaven, the Lord came to check on the people who had just arrived at the Pearly Gates. He told the men to form two lines.
He said, “All the men who led their wives and families form one line to my right.
All the men who were dominated by their wives at nag pa ander de saya (were henpecked), form one line to my left.
All the women – go to St Peter first and wait there.
After five minutes, the Lord checked the lines. On His left, the line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 kilometers long! Lahat ander! (All were henpecked!)
The Lord was disappointed.
When he checked the line of men that led their wives, there was only one man. Wow. At least there was one!
The Lord was mad. He told the men, “Look at you! You should be ashamed of yourselves! I created you to be leaders of your wives. You’re supposed to be the head and not be ander de saya! (henpecked)
But look at this man—he’s the only one that leveled up and led his wife in his lifetime. Learn from him!
O sige, my son, tell all these henpecked men—how did you manage to be the only one in this line?
The man replied sheepishly,
“Lord, I don’t know…my wife told me to stand in this line.”
~
Good morning. My name is Ardy Roberto and I send greetings from my family – my wife of three weeks, Miriam and my 6 year old son, Joshua.
I’m an author of 8 books, including the latest one, Real Men are POGI – How to be Handsome in God’s Eyes to be ready for your God’s best.
How nga ba (really)? Buy the book at National! He he. But seriously, I discovered that a man can be POGI in God’s eyes and to his wife by
P – Pursuing Purity,
O – Being Obedient to God’s commands,
G- being a Gentleman, and
I – being Intense in his relationship with the Lord and with his God’s best/wife.
Meron din mga jokes sa libro na ito. Gusto niyo ng sample?
O sige… (I have some jokes in my book. Would you like a sample?)
Isang gabi (one night), a husband came home from a men’s Bible study, then suddenly after greeting his wife, lifted her up and carried her.
The wife was kilig (flattered) and surprised, “Wow! What are you doing? Why are you carrying me? Did the Minister tell you to be romantic like this to me?
The husband said, “No…He told me to carry my cross everyday.”
~~
Okay, serious na tayo… for now.
As an author, I write because I’ve always felt that our stories need to be shared.
David also says in the Psalms to , “Let the redeemed of the Lord, tell their story.”
So, we are commanded to share what the Lord is doing in our lives to encourage others. (Lahat tayo mey kuwento. We all have stories.)
So thank you for this opportunity to share this story of redemption, of praise in times of trial, of how the Lord turned my mourning into dancing.
~~~
At the beginning of the year 2013, on January 5, to be exact my beloved first wife passed away.
My first wife was the beautiful Tingting Pelaez Linsangan Roberto. On our 4th year of going steady, she showed me how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ at a time when I had experienced a painful and humiliating business failure that flushed our life savings down the drain. Learning how to trust in the Lord with all my heart and offering my life to Him enabled me to go from crisis to where “Christ is” – a place of peace.
My late wife and I got married in 1995 and after a three week honeymoon in Europe, we got busy establishing our businesses. In December 1999 while on a sales incentive trip to the Gold Coast, Australia, Ting’s lupus was triggered by exposure to the sun. Lupus is like a cancer of the immune system; instead of protecting you the immune system becomes a traitor and attacks your own organs and starts to ravage your body.
By June of 2000 Ting was skin and bones and in the hospital, and many thought Tingting was going to die.
But God worked a miracle and she was miraculously healed. It was truly a miracle healing as Ting recovered without chemotherapy and high doses of prednisone which is the normal medical protocol for lupus.
Then I discovered that healing miracles can indeed happen when there is Hope, Encouragement, Love and Prayers. This I wrote about in the book, The Heart of Healing.
After Ting was sent home from the hospital, our business and career took a back seat as we took almost a year off from work to recover and regain her strength.
“Life is short!” became Tingting’s motto in life and message to others. Because she was on her second lease on life, she had an urgency to live with a passion and share the good news and tell people how God had healed her. We were always together, as business partners, ministry partners and travel partners.
But then we got busy. We had to earn a living and we found ourselves diving into business again. We spent late nights at the office, and fast food and stress became our staple diet.
And then two tragedies happened in the family (two deaths-one of a 13 year old nephew who was like a son to us, and two, the death of a marriage of a couple who were like parents to Ting) …and because of the stress and grief, by July of 2012, after a 12 year absence, the lupus resurfaced and Tingting was hospitalized in July. By August, a kidney biopsy revealed that she had stage 5 lupus nephritis. The lupus was causing her immune system to attack her kidneys and other organs thus causing irreversible damage.
At first, I thought since the Lord had healed her before, that the Lord would easily heal her again. I also thought that since I wrote about the Lord’s healing miracles in her life in the book The Heart of Healing, I thought that this was going to be easy. Done deal. The Lord would heal Tingting, if not His name would be at stake.
But things were getting worse and worse. Last Sept 13, 2012 I wrote this entry:
~~~~
Just as I had just shared that everything seemed better for Tingting, we had another sleepless night last night. My Swato was in tears and in pain again.
Her immune system is still attacking her organs, bones and flesh instead of protecting it. Still, I know that God is still healing what is supposed to be an “incurable” dis-ease. I hold on to the hope that tomorrow will be better — that God’s timing for her healing will come sooner and not later. I know because 12 years ago, He did heal her and He will heal Tingting when He wants to. I will wait on Him.
Before the sun could rise to signal another day, I was kept awake by this realization…(In the midst of a ‘barrage’ of emails, texts, PMs on FB, home visits to Tingting) and as a way of releasing the stress and keeping me sane, I wrote this POEM…)
…
We are connected by our trials and griefs so much more than our happiness and joys.
Is it in our DNA?
Are we wired for suffering?
Every Sunday, as family, we worship at the cross and rejoice and sing praises to the King of Kings who went through far more worse pain, agony and suffering than anyone.
And that is His joyous, yet pain stricken crowning glory.
The Father allowed it. (Yet, we conveniently forget that.)
The Father denied His Son’s plea for relief and escape. (“O my Father, if possible…let this cup of suffering pass from me…”)
Why?
All for love. All for love.
And we are so much better off because of that.
Death?
As Jesus gloriously rose from grief, pain and suffering, so shall we who believe.
Then the great separator will be our final connector to every family member who believes.
And then every tear shed in this life, every pain filled-sigh, every angry poutful “why” will be answered in a blink of an eye.
Eternity!
Love!
An eternal embrace with Jesus.
And then pain, grief and heartache we shall know, no more.
So for now, choose to whisper Hallelujah.
Whisper hallelujah to those achy bones; the fatty liver, the leaky kidneys, the clogged heart, the toxic blood, the fooled immune system.
Whisper hallelujah to the body that rots away with each new day.
Whisper hallelujah in the hospital hallways; whisper hallelujah in the crowded elevator of bad-news faces; whisper hallelujah at the ICU; whisper hallelujah at the morgue; whisper hallelujah to the ear of grief and pain.
Just Hallelujah,
hallelujah,
thank You Lord, amen!
Ardy Roberto, September 12, 2012
…
So despite her condition, the Lord moved my spirit to Praise Him and say Hallelujah no matter what.
By November Ting’s condition became much worse and she was in and out of the ICU. I witnessed her suffer from severe seizures and I broke down and thought I was going to lose her. My spirit was broken.
But after a few days in the ICU, I wrote this entry:
Day #31 at Asian Hospital:
Thanking God for all the blessings of being in this “refinery” called the I.C.U.
Yes, Lord, I – C – U at the ICU! I see You in the midst of the dreariness and darkness and the smell of sickness and death (so far three of our neighbors have died) in this place. There is joy and happiness to be found here:
~ I thank You Lord for the nurses here in the ICU who look after my Swato 24/7 and handle her with a familial love that makes me feel confident that things will be alright…
~ I thank You Lord for leading me to befriend Jocelyn and her 10 year old daughter Rose whose Dad, Mat was confined here at the ICU unit opposite ours. What a joy to pray with them and witness a comatose Mat say “yes” that he had accepted Jesus as his healer and savior by squeezing the hands of Rose and Jocelyn. And thank You Lord that you actually woke him up the next morning and gave him a few days of clarity before You took him to Your house in heaven.
~~
Then on January 4, 2013 – the day before Ting died, I wrote this,
Day #56 at Asian Hospital:
Almost U-turned to the ICU today. We’re not going back home tomorrow after all. A crisis happened this morning. Ting developed a high fever and then was gasping for air. She could not breathe. Soon there were ten people in the room ready to revive her just in case.
Her lungs filled with fluids so they rushed her to dialysis to drain it out. Tests are being done but doctors say it might be caused by sepsis (infection) or pneumonia or both. Don’t know yet. Only God knows now the why and the how.
I already prepared her recovery room at the house yesterday.
She has an oxygen mask now and sounds like Darth Vader.
We’re about to sleep now. Earlier my Swato gave me the thumbs up sign to reassure my heart.
I called our doctor if possible to hold off ICU confinement since she would freeze there and not be able to sleep. Dr PL agreed…but now wants her back there.
I thank God for giving us shelter in this new storm.
Prayed early this morning to the Lord that we would submit to Him and go wherever He wanted us to go and be wherever He wants us to be. Whether that be here at the hospital, at home or at home with Him.”
~~
After writing that update in my FB, the doctors told me she had contracted pneumonia. A few hours later before going to bed, I saw her coughing and spitting blood. She didn’t see it coming, but I knew we were in trouble. Doctors wheeled her back to the ICU that night.
By early morning she was on assisted breathing and could hardly talk. Ting whispered into my ear, “Alis na tayo dito…” (Let’s get out of here). She wanted to come home.
I told her, “Yes swato (short for sweet potato), you’re going home with Jesus. Once you see him, take his hand and don’t let go. You’re so blessed honey… You’re going to be with Jesus in Heaven. You’re so blessed.”
After family and closest friends had said their goodbyes, it was our five -year old son Joshy’s turn to say goodbye. After he said, “I love you Mama”, Tingting willed her left eye to open and take one last look at her baby boy. At that point, I felt her spirit telling me that she wanted to spend her last moments of her life alone with me. I got into her hospital bed to lie beside her and hold her in my arms.
I was hoping that Tingting would hold on for another day or two so that her sister from New York and her kids could say their goodbyes. My sister, Elaine and her family, were also on their way from here, Singapore.
But after a few minutes, as I cradled her in my arms, Tingting took her last breathe.
Victory was hers finally.
As I look back at that day of Tingting’s passing. I realized that what they say about your priorities clarifying at your death bed is true. You don’t wish that you had spent more time in the office or more time building a business or more time getting better at a sport or hobby. You wish that you had one more day to be with the person or people you love most. You wish you had more time to do what really matters…
Recently, my son, who seems to share my entrepreneurial leanings, told me after I discussed why I had to go and leave home for work, told me, “Dad, I also want money.” I quickly retorted to him, “No son, what you really want is TIME…” I forgot what I told him next but he was just quiet.
That week my son’s memory verse was Matthew 6:33,
“And seek first God’s kingdom..and everything that you need will be given to you.” I realized then that verse was more for me than for my son as I find myself getting busier again.
I stopped counting the cost of Ting’s hospital, doctors and medical bills when it crossed over the P4M mark. It just makes me think of how we keep ourselves so busy and sacrifice time to earn money and stressing ourselves until our health declines and then we spend all that money we’ve earned to try to buy back that time that we’ve sacrificed.
Tingting, knew that life here on earth is short. She would always tell her doctors and nurses and visitors:
“Life is short! Look at me. Forgive one another. Love one another!”
One day, she asked one of her doctors if he knew where he was going if he were to die that day. The doctor couldn’t say, and so she shared the good news of Easter. That indeed Jesus died for our sins and took our place on the cross; but he conquered death and rose again after three days; and that anyone who believed in Jesus would not die but have eternal life. (See John 3:16)
It’s been one year and nine months since Tingting was hospitalized and one year and 4 months since she passed away into Jesus’s arms from mine[1]. God has been faithful and continues to be faithful and good to me and my son, Joshy.
Many times, Josh would ask me, “Dad, why did Mama have to die so early?”
I would tell him, “I don’t know why anak (child)…but I do know that God has a good plan for us. And we have to trust Him. Mama is now in Heaven and rejoicing and dancing with the Lord… She’s happy, so we have to live life and be happy too.”
Despite my being positive and hopeful about God’s plan for us, I could not help but be sad and grief stricken. Ang sakit mawalan ng asawa. Basag na basag pa rin yung puso ko… (It’s so painful to lose a wife that you loved. My heart was still so shattered.)
But David says in Psalm 34:18,
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are crushed in Spirit.”
In my intense grief following the death of Tingting, the Lord would always comfort me and tell me, “You’re going to love again. I will give you a new great love.”
That was His promise.
There were times when the grief was so intense and painful that I was tempted several times and drive off the Skyway and join my late wife in Heaven…but my son’s Joshy’s face would show up in my mind and then the Lord would again comfort me and say, “You’re going to love again. I will give you a new great love.”
Indeed He has promised that He would turn my mourning into dancing. And that weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning.
Truly the Lord is close to the broken-hearted and a defender of the widow/er and of the orphaned.
Last year, on the morning after my birthday on April 8, I asked my son, Joshua what he wished for his Dad after we had both blown the candles of my birthday cake.
I had just told him that I wished that his beloved late Mama was happy to see us from heaven, being happy. Then Joshy said, “yes, Dad, I wished the same thing too for Mama… AND I also prayed that God would give you a new wife…”
351 days later, my son’s wish, by God’s awesome grace, has come true.
There’s a popular saying that goes:
“God works in mysterious ways.”
I’m sure many of you have heard of that expression….
When I was much younger, I agreed to that thinking. But now that I am much older, I find myself disagreeing with it.
I realize that because one day, 19 years ago, I had an encounter with the Lord.
And as I got to know God better, I realized that He just really wants us to have a relationship with Him and not just a religion. I discovered that God is a personal God that speaks to His children through His word and many times now, speaks to my heart and spirit through the Holy Spirit.
I realized that God works in very certain or sure ways, that His character is rather predictable, rather than mysterious. That He is just, loving and merciful and faithful to fulfill His promises to His kids.
Our Abba Father gives us promises that we can count on. That we can be certain about. Iyan ay sigurado. (That’s for sure.)
For example, as I grew in the faith, I discovered these promises to be true:
Like:
All things work out for the good for those who love God and are called according to his purpose -Romans 8:28
And: Our God will supply ALL of our needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus – Philippians 4:19
And: Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him AND He will make your PATHS STRAIGHT.
When Tingting passed away, what brought me comfort were God’s promises that…
…Heaven is a place where there is no more pain, tears, sorrow…
…That Weeping may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
And The Lord promises to all and declares, “I have come to heal the broken hearted…and to set the captives of grief free!”
And that He is faithful to turn our mourning into dancing.
And like a loving father God would speak to my heart and assure me and promise:
- That I would love again; that I would experience and have one more great love
- That He would not just heal my heart, but He would give me a brand new heart to replace my broken heart
- That He would write this new love story with me, and that He would whisper my name to the woman I chose–the woman that He presented to me to be my new great love (I actually prayed that He would do that for me…and He did!)
So last year in March, I had lunch with a friend. She was one of my students in one of my 2012 workshops called Project Author. She was writing her book, and I was her mentor. There was no attraction, nothing happening between us during that time.
I invited her to lunch because I wanted to get some advice on real estate investing.
During the course of our lunch, I realized that she was a wonderful woman who walked with God. We also shared each others stories – I shared that God was telling me that I would love again (but I needed a brand new heart if that was to happen) and she shared that she was waiting for God’s best and that’s why she’s been single for the past 4 years — and by the end of our lunch, we ended up praying for each other.
I prayed for her business meetings and the bible study that she was going to lead that night. But at the end of my prayer for her, I found myself praying this for her: “..p.s. Lord, whomever it is that you have prepared for Miriam to be her God’s best, please let him know—impress upon his heart that it is he, so that he can launch out and court her ASAP. Give him confidence so that he won’t be torpe (shy), but brave…. In Jesus’ name”
Then came a surprise: Miriam prayed for me too and said:
“Dear Lord, I pray that you give Ardy a brand new heart. Please give him a heart transplant to replace his broken heart so that he could love again as you have promised him, in Jesus’ name.”
Somehow, we were both certain that God would answer our prayers; we just didn’t expect that we would be the answer to each other’s prayers.
Weeks and months later, the Lord orchestrated things and events supernaturally, speaking to our hearts and minds on different occasions and He became our match maker causing all things to work out for his good and perfect plan…so we found ourselves saying to each other, “I love you” last year July 2.
By October I proposed marriage to Miriam…and proposed again in November—para sigurado. (Just to be sure.)
By the end of December we were planning our wedding, and last March 25—less than 3 weeks ago, we got married.
Truly, He gave me a heart transplant so that I could love again. Jesus is my miracle healer.
I am so blessed to be experiencing another great love, the love of a woman who is not only beautiful on the outside, but whose heart is beautiful and pursues and obeys God.
Even though we have experienced many trials and challenges in the course of our relationship, instead of relying on our own feelings and understanding, we have sought counsel and wisdom and resolved to seek God and dive into His word.
Many times, it has brought us down on our knees in prayer. The trials and challenges – for example: being in the public eye and being accused of being too radical in the timing or speed of our relationship, or being too old fashioned for our decision to have a purity pledge and honor and obey God by not engaging in pre-marital sex—but all these have been for the good, because it has matured us and caused us to above all, seek God’s face and to be closer to His heart and His purpose. To glorify Him and not us.
In the process of getting to know each other better through all this, Miriam and I discovered that we should always remember who our first love should be…
Ask your partner, “Love, who is your first love?”
It should be Jesus Christ, who first loved us, paid for all of our sins and willingly died a painful death for us so that we may live and love, the way He loves.
Unconditionally.
A crazy kind of love.
Yesterday, we were interviewed for the TV program “Wagas na pag-ibig” (A love that’s never ending). There we were asked to share our love story—so for almost 3 hours we poured out how God wrote our love story and became our match maker. It’s scheduled for airing on May 10 on GMA 7 or GMA NewsTV, so watch out for it.
At the end of the interview, the host asked us to describe what is “Wagas na pag-ibig”.
Miriam and I ended up having the same kind of answer. That a “wagas na pag-ibig” or a love that is eternal, is the love that our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ has for us.
Ang pag-ibig na galing sa tao, kung galing lang siya sa atin puso, ang pag-ibig na ito ay bitin kung tutuusin. (A love that comes from man, ourselves, if it comes just from our own hearts, is a love that is not eternal. It will always be cut short.)
Pero kung ang pag-huhugutan ng pag-ibig ay galing sa Diyos, galing sa kanyang anak na si Hesu Kristo, ito ang pag-ibig na walang hanggan. Ang tunay na wagas na pagibig. (But if the love that you have is drawn from the Lord, a love that comes from his son Jesus Christ, this is a love that never ends. This is the true eternal love.)
Gusto din niyo ng wagas na pag-ibig? (Do you want a love that never ends?)
Invite Jesus Christ to live in your hearts.
In closing…
First, let’s remember and know that Our God is the same God of the Bible—He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. And He still speaks to us directly through His word and through His Holy Spirit. He is a faithful God who can be counted on—predictably—to fulfill His promises in our lives, if only we trust and obey Him.
And He promises to turn our mourning into dancing…
God is impressing upon me… that there are some of you who are here who are mourning or grieving secretly in your hearts…there are those of you whose spouse may not have died, but you feel that your marriage is dying or is dead—it has no more romance, or you are just together for the children’s sake. God wants you to know that that is not His design for you or your marriage. He wants you to delight in Him so that you can delight in each other again.
He wants you be in love again, to draw upon His love so that you can forgive, love each other unconditionally… to cherish each other again.
– There are some of you who are saying, “kakayanin ko ito” (I can handle this)…you are striving so hard, working so hard to make things work…but God is saying, “come to me…you who are tired and burdened…and I will give you rest…”
- The Lord is inviting you to come to Him… to come as you are—with all your problems, warts and pimples and imperfections—don’t wait until you are perfect for that will never come. Come as you are…because He came to rescue us, to set us free.
- Jesus came to offer His life so that we may live… Will you accept Him too?
- Will you offer your life to Him too?
Jesus said, I am the way, the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me.
Jesus laid down His life to us—and loved us unconditionally—so that we may love like Him and live…
So come to Jesus, offer your life, all of your past, all of your problems, offer your marriage and say, here I am Lord, take me…use me…give me a new heart so that I could love again the way You want me to love…
Pray this in your heart:
Lord, I confess that I am a sinner…and that no matter how much I try to be perfect or make up for my sins, it will not matter for you said in your word that the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus…
[I confess that I need help…I confess that I want to love my spouse like you love me…unconditionally…in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, until death do us part]
So Lord, I invite you to come into my heart.
I invite you to be the source of the love that I will give my spouse…
I invite you, Lord, to write my new love story.
And all these things, I pray, in the name of the Father, and of the son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Amen!
And Amen!
At this point, to close my session, I’d like to invite a special guest, to lead us in song as we offer our lives to the Lord.
Please help me welcome this beautiful, amazing woman – whom the God of the Universe gave to me as my new great love, please welcome to the stage, ang Ms Universe ng buhay ko, (My Ms Universe of my life), Mrs Miriam Quiambao-Roberto.
[Ed note: Now, as I review this. I should really have someone video our talks. Then I could just post a video of Miriam singing in this part.]
Lord I Offer My Life To You
All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before You, oh Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaims
The joy and the pain, I’m making them Yours
Lord, I offer my life to You
Everything I’ve been through, use it for Your glory
Lord I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You as a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer You my life
Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my heart, all of my praise
My heart and my hands are lifted to You
Lord, I offer my life to You
Everything I’ve been through, use it for Your glory
Lord I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You as a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer You my life
What can we give that You have not given?
And what do we have that is not already Yours?
All we possess are these lives we’re living
That’s what we give to You, Lord
Lord, I offer my life to You
Everything I’ve been through, use it for Your glory
Lord I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You as a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer You my life
Lord, I offer my life to You
Everything I’ve been through, use it for Your glory
Lord I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You as a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer You my life
Lord I offer You my life
Songwriters: CLONINGER, CLAIRE D./MOEN, DON
I Offer My Life lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.
– the end –
[1] This talk was delivered April 17, 2014.
